7.19.2009

I am Life's Student.

Most of my life, I have been joyful. Not always because I had to be, but because I was blessed with generally happy circumstances in which to live. Life loves to make me smile. When I moved away from home and came to Utah one year ago, I was no longer that happy. I was in a situation that I wanted to avoid and sadly, it took me a while to wake up and realize it wasn't Utah that made me unhappy, it was me.

There is something very heartbreaking about leaving a certain place and time in your life that taught you more about yourself than the previous 21 years taught all together. As I ponder leaving this place, leaving the people I have come to love, I find myself feeling intensely homesick. Homesick for the experiences that, at the time, felt so heavy upon my shoulders and heart. Homesick for the instant relief I found through family. The thing is, my entire life has never been just about me. It has always intimately included others. I am not one that can travel the world on a whim, leaving behind familiarity and connection. I crave connection. I crave solace and comfort in the company of family and dear friends. Because I needed it more than ever, the bond I made between myself and those in Utah can never be torn.

I used to cry for my home in Missouri and now I cry for my home in Utah.

3 comments:

Sheri said...

So you guys are moving back to Missouri? So soon? How come?

Caty said...

We are moving back to Missouri in four weeks. We miss family and friends there and Gabe has to get his degree at MSU.
It was either Provo in the fall or Springfield in the fall. And then after that, we would have to move AGAIN for the next step in his education (east of Missouri).

Maureen said...

Such wise words. More and more I've come to believe that it is the hardships in life that teach us....mold us...into our best selves.

Even though I've only seen you twice since you've been here....I will miss the idea of you living close. You have grown up so beautifully Caty. No matter where you go...your influence for good will be felt.