Climbing the Unintentional Facade

I have decided to try and embrace who I really am instead of trying to embrace who I think I should be. It's hard when you think about it. I love who I am inside and out, I feel I've always had good self-esteem, but I know I could have better. And I know that by recognizing some of my more unique traits, I can feel more free and confident than I already do.

  • I don't like ice cream (especially homemade). I've tried to conform with the popular opinion that it rocks, but I have failed. With the exception of a few flavors from Ben and Jerry's brand (filled with "un-ice cream" things like caramel, chocolate chunks, and marshmallow cream), a simple pint of ice cream will sit in my freezer for months until I inevitably throw it out. I, personally, find it an unappealing kind of sweet, too cold and too "meltible."
  • I wear my heart on my sleeve.
  • When I find a book series that really clicks, it's like love. No... more addictive. It's like infatuation for a teenager's mind. It happened with a little-known detective series in fifth grade (the Jenny McCarthy series, I think), it happened with Harry Potter in high school, and it's happening again with the Twilight series. It gets worse when they make movies based on the books, because I then have a visual interpretation before my eyes. - Example (this would be embarassing if I weren't so set on accepting myself more): I read the first book, Twilight, within... two or three days, loving it. I then started the second book, New Moon, and consequently read the near-600 page book in about 16 hours (not straight through). Once I obtained a copy of the third book, Eclipse, I began and finished the 630-page book in about 11 hours total. Therefore, since Monday, I have read a total of 1,693 pages of vampire-love and action-story goodness. Not including my much ashamed bleek reading of the scriptures since then. I realized that that's the entire Bible, plus a little. Hence my realization years ago that when it comes to my interests, the most important books are the hardest for me to read with ferver.
  • I like tidiness. When it comes to bathrooms, living rooms, my purse, even websites like Facebook and email inboxes. The tidier, the better
  • If I can help it, I will never enter the ocean. It scares me the most, even more than spiders. I was in the ocean once and only half enjoyed the sting rays swimming around me because while I was standing on a shallow sandbar, the outside of the little pale blue circle was darkness, like the ground beneath the water dropped off for hundreds of feet all of the sudden (aka: not cool). It's too intimidating for me.
  • I hate having butterflies in my stomach. It makes me feel sick and like my stomach is being ripped open inside. I get this feeling when I'm anticipating something amazing... that's sad.
  • I don't like hot showers, but I'm usually cold. I used to have them all the time, but it happened one day a few months back when I accidentally turned the cold up just a little higher than the hot and relief filled my skin, a wonderful discovery! Cool showers are the answer to everything stressful.
  • I get homesick easily. Reason: When your growing up, some adults will tell you that in order to be a successful and good parent, you can't be a best friend and a parent at the same time. That's what I call a lie. Ever since I was young, my parents (especially my mom) have been two of my best friends. Up until I met Gabe and married him, my mom was my best friend and has always been a great mother at the same time. Everything worked out for us.
  • My least favorite question for 16 years (since I probably wasn't asked until 5 or so) is, "What's your favorite color?" Do people usually prefer one color over the rest? I've never understood.
  • When I dream, it doesn't feel like a dream when I wake up. A lot of times, it feels like an actual memory. I have had a vivid imagination since I was a little girl and while this is great when one is awake, it can be horrible when one is asleep. I rarely have an amazing, happy dream. They either fall under a. Horrific Nightmare, b. Nightmare, c. Really Eerie Dream, or d. Weird Dream. I've had some pretty bad ones, and some pretty interesting ones. They feel as real as day, so it takes a while to recover from categories A and B. Luckily, they stopped recurring when I turned eight years old.
Well, the list could go on for a lot longer than that, but I feel my goal of sharing this insightful new development of "me" has been fulfilled. I'm not sure what brought this on. Wait, yes I do, it is being married that triggered this. It's an interesting thing when you have someone trying hard to analyze and understand your emotions, thoughts, and feelings because of love. It's caused a lot of self-searching for me. I love blogging.


TannHart said...

nice post...I share your feelings about the ocean and Todd can certainly confirm my addiction to certain books ( I finished the entire twighlight series in under two weeks while we were in Hilton Head).

Caty said...

Thanks T! It's hard for me to finish the series I'm addicted to... I don't know what to do after the story is done and I've read all the books!

Kim said...

You're a good writer. I've always felt the same way about the favorite color question. I've never been able to choose out of so many beautiful colors. And I feel the same way about how cool it is when your parents are your best friends. I hope I can have that with my kids. I think when people say that though, the mean you have to be a parent first with all that comes with it, like rules and discipline, but I don't think that means you can't be friends too.